Club Status: Resident Chimp

No of years at club - 22

Claim to fame - Once took guard left handed, when he was intending to bat right handed.

Nicknames - Dickie, Bertie, The Lollipop Man

Favourite sayings - "I've got two B Division tons you know", "Get them in I'll get the next 'uns" (the last part of that is an optional extra)

Heroes - Tom Cruise (well he claims to be the spitting image of him), Derrick Spence (whom he now seems to be turning into)


Dickie has led a somewhat eventful life at the 'Hall. Arrived at the club without a modicum of talent and turned himself into first a Boycott-esque batsman for the 2s, and then a bowler for the 1s capable of winning 2 league bowling awards.

About the only things that haven't changed about his game in the 22 years are his scabby whites & his fielding ability.

Still is an avid watcher of team mates' genitals, and the opposition players too when the showers are communal.

Usually last out of the showers, for the above reason, and to ensure he is last in the bar & everyone else has their own drinks in, giving him no reason to buy one for anyone else and the maximum number of people from whom he can scrounge one.

Once scrounged a pint from a junior.